Noah Route Progress

[roccoco]

So this will be for my weekly updates as well as anytime I complete something worth noting.
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Oct. 13

Mostly worked on the overall route outline, that I made in the other topic. I also thought about more general stuff, like how I want Tomohiro and Noah to develop over the course of the route, Where some other scenes can go, etc.

Now I also finished a rough draft of the first scene sans the negative dialogue path. ((which I'll attach for anyone to peruse. I could certainly do with some feedback((

[copper-telluride]

I really like where this is going so far!

All the punctuation made it slightly hard to follow, and there were a few little things, like grammatical mistakes and sentence fragments and the like, but you've definitely god a solid grasp on the flow of the story, if you get what I mean. Keep it up!

[copper-telluride]

Very well done! You've certainly grasped the dynamic between the two of them, and that's the most important step. I look forward to seeing what you do next!

[roccoco]

No new drafts to upload but I'm currently revising my audition piece to fit more with the overall arc, as well as making it into the two distinct scenes with their respective dialogue choices. so expect that to come about sometime towards the end of this week.

[copper-telluride]

My main issue with this is how, early on, Tomo's lines are just soulless and bland, like "Yeah you were right this was a lot of fun."

Now, obviously I'm aware that this is FAR from the final version, and we've got all the time in the world to revise things as they're written (and I'll be going through all the routes once they're finished to iron out any grammatical/spelling/etc. errors), but that's just something to keep in mind. Tomo may be socially inept, but he at least has emotion.